There’s nothing wrong in opting to lead life as a householder, says  ANANDMURTI GURUMAA

Sexual desire emanating from kamavasana previous impressions in the mind, is energy and as is true for all energies, one can harness it beneficially or abuse it. Men and women who are desirous of fulfilling their sexual desires get married to have firsthand experience of sex. But the question arises: Do couples who have had a sexual relationship for 40-50 years, ever get the feeling that they have had enough of it, and do they rise above the need for sexual gratification?
They don’t. This is because for them sex is nothing but a medium of getting a release…. Now, if one perpetually indulges in this irresponsibly, without using one’s wisdom, then all that will happen is depletion of energy.
Whenever certain hormonal changes occur in the body, they naturally lead to arising of sexual urges on either seeing or imagining an attractive man or woman. And whenever someone is sexually aroused, such a person will either suffer in trying to control it or will seek release.
If you keep getting sexually aroused, it reflects that for several, previous lifetimes, you have lived in excessive sexual indulgence, and all that has left such a deep impression on your mind that none of the words of wisdom have any effect on you. Thus you are unable to have any temperance on your urges. So, you need to honestly look at yourself and contemplate on this.
An easy solution for such individuals is to lead a householder’s life… otherwise, it will be akin to punishment because by trying to suppress the urges, they are not going to disappear, rather they will emerge in new and strange ways. So, if you want to lead a householder’s life with awareness and prudence, then know that sex can be used in three ways: for pleasure, procreation, and for spiritual evolution according to the path of tantra. But to use it for spiritual evolution, as per the tantra tradition, is possible only when you have an equally understanding and virtuous spouse, and not otherwise.
Practice of tantra is not a medium for satiating the desires of a lustful person! It is only for those who have successfully mastered the four limbs of yoga — yama, niyama, asana and pranayama — and in addition, strictly adhere to the other limbs of yoga.
When one conscientiously follows yama, niyama and then masters yogasanas, the glands begin to function optimally and the body gets purified. And when such an individual with a purified body does pranayama, his self-belief and mental strength increases. If such a person with increased self-belief and mental strength leads a married life with an equally sensible and understanding partner, then even sex becomes a spiritual practice….
Animals are more sensible, as their sexual behaviour is as per the law of nature. When their mating period is over, they live like celibates. But the human mind is not tied down to nature’s law. A man can think about sex or take part in it whenever he wants. But the point to note is that if there is freedom, there is bondage too. Use your wisdom to understand your sexual energy. Ask yourself: the momentary pleasure obtained through sexual gratification, will it be binding or will it help in my liberation? Question your mind using your discriminative wisdom, for sex is nothing more than a momentary pleasure.
If someone says that he feels aroused only on seeing a particular woman and not all women — well, this is nothing but a delusion. The truth is, either sexual desire exists or it doesn’t! Saying that one gets aroused by a specific woman is in a way accusing the woman of being responsible for arousing sexual thoughts in the man — this is an irresponsible statement.